Dayton Family: Trip to Boise!

Monday, June 09, 2008

Trip to Boise!

This weekend we went to my cousin Nikki's wedding. She is 6 months pregnant and they decided that they wanted to wait until their wedding day to find out what they were having. They had a box that the person that did the ultrasound wrote on a piece of paper and put inside what they are having. They are having a girl!
It was chilly but we all had fun. Callie had fun running away from me and insisted that she shouldn't have any boundaries. She didn't want anything to do with me. When she would get hurt she would cry for mama (grandma). If I tried to comfort her it would make it ten times worse. This was her first time acting like that and I don't know how to take it. It made me sad.
We have returned home and she seems to have returned to herself so that makes me happy.

1 comment:

Jessica said...: What a fun weekend!
So sorry about Callie, I wouldn't take it to heart. She loves you soo much.

I also love the flower in Callie's hair - so cute.; 1:09 PM

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What I Wish Everyone Knew

I wish everyone knew that this hurt never goes away. We still need support, and I still need to hear my son and daughters' name. Now, even more than before, I NEED to have their lives validated.

I wish everyone knew ....that even though my babies' deaths were the most painful experience of my life, I am grateful for the pain, and I would still choose to have them even knowing that it would end the same....and I would give anything to cuddle them in my arms again, if only for a brief moment.

I wish everyone knew... that my heart leaps with joy every time someone asks me about my babies.

I wish everyone knew that a baby's age or size at birth or death does not determine to how much of a person he or she was or how much they will be loved or missed.

I wish everyone knew that an early miscarriage and/or losing a tiny baby is just as difficult and painful as losing any other child.

I wish everyone knew how much I need to talk about mybabies, and how happy it makes me when someone asks about them.

I wish everyone knew the struggle that I go through everyday to answer the simplest questions, like: How many children do you have?

I wish everyone knew it is ok to talk about my loss.

I wish everyone knew that I think of my babies all the time.

I wish everyone knew that I have completely changed because of my experiences.

I wish everyone knew how much I love and miss my babies.

I wish everyone knew how much I need to talk about them and remember them.

I wish everyone knew what it felt like to hold them, still, perfect, breathtaking and have to leave them.

I wish everyone knew what it felt like to long for just 1 more second with their baby. Maybe then they could truly cherish all the billions of seconds they get with theirs.

I wish everyone knew that us mommies who lose our babies carry them with us everywhere we go...for the rest of our lives...and to say we are changed...is putting it rather lightly.

I wish everyone knew and appreciated what an absolute miracle each and every child is, from conception to birth, viable and enviable.

I wish everyone knew that even though I can smile and go to work and "function" like everyone else, I'm not like everyone else.

I wish everyone knew that even if you don't know what to say to me, saying nothing at all is more painful than you can imagine. Ignoring me and never speaking to me again because it makes you uncomfortable to be around me is worse than being uncomfortable or saying the wrong thing.